Goal Oriented Sex Coaching: How does that work?
How do we, as sex coaches, empower our clients to achieve their sexual ideals when the results-focused goal (often modeled after impossible, porn-influenced outcomes/achievements) is antithetical to comprehensive sex coaching ? We do so by shifting their results-oriented achievement goal from porn-influenced orgasm to pleasure.
When Clients Have an “Impossible” Goal
In sex coaching, many clients come to us wanting to achieve impossible goals: “I want complete control over the way my body looks and responds during sex *at*all*times*!”
Is that possible? The answer, of course, is no, but we can guide them to understand that what they really yearn for is (probably) happiness, fulfillment, intimacy, and/or confidence.
I came to sex coaching from a prior career as a life coach and fitness instructor . As a life coach, the first thing I learned was never to lead my client with my own agenda. The idea behind coaching in general is [or should be] client-focused goals; they decide what they want and ultimately how they will achieve it.
My job is to hold space and listen without judgment, ask questions with curiosity rather than with the intent of leading, provide accountability, and recognize that everyone is whole and capable. As a sex coach, my job also includes educating, giving permission, validating, and providing further resources.
In my sex coaching practice, I help my clients learn that great sex is about pleasure, not the orgasms and sexual conquests they see in media. So how do I modify their goals into what I think their objective *should* be, in this case, pleasure? Isn’t that “leading” my client, rather than letting them decide what they want? This conundrum has been an itch in my brain for as long as I’ve wanted to be a sex coach, but I think I’ve finally discovered the answer.